I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
