hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
