Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
