You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
