mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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