I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
