you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
