Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
