I think I won the penis lottery.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
