i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
