Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
