Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
