One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
