if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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