im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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