i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
