I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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