i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize