i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
