based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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