So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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