I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
