wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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