we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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