We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
