This girl is more easily done than said...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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