I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
handjob tips. give me some.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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