Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
