Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
