I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
