i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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