Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
