I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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