i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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