i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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