im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
