so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
