when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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