i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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