i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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