He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I did not marry a roomba.
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