god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please come you make the beer taste better
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize