i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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