belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
