There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
