weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
