we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
