I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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