You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
