it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
