theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
