forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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