babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
