Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
