he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
