Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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