He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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