Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize