im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My bed smells like the plague
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
