Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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