At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
