I have demons in me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
