TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
