She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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