I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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