why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
