He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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