You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
