i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
