I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
