Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
True strength comes from lack of pants
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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