Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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