his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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