I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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