She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize