Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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