I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
