So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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