It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
