white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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