Don't you send me to vm
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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