Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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