my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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