We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
