Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
