My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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