I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
