dude i'm inner monologue high
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
