the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
