theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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