Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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