his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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