my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
