I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The uberlube is also flammable
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
