no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
