i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize