haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
