Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
