Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
